THE LEORA LETTER

Slut-shaming matters because when people are dismissed as sluts, hoes, and thots, they are denied care and compassion as human beings and in a variety of situations, including when they are sexually harassed, sexually assaulted, victimized by image-based sexual abuse ("revenge porn"), and need an abortion.

As a chilling New York Times investigation by Jennifer Valentino-DeVries and Michael H. Keller uncovered, thousands of mothers on Instagram, or Instamoms, post images of their young daughters that draw in adult men sexually attracted to children, and many mothers exploit the interest of these men for financial gain. (Instagram prohibits children under 13 from creating an account, but the company does allow a parent to create an account featuring their under-13 child.) Mysteriously, the Times did not address the involvement of fathers and wrote about the phenomenon as though fathers have nothing to do with their daughters’ lives.

The objective of these mom-run accounts is to transform their daughter into a lucrative influencer or model. Some child influencers earn six-figure incomes from companies, especially those selling gym or dance attire that may pay thousands of dollars for a single post, and through monthly subscriptions offering exclusive pictures to individuals. (Instagram began offering paid subscriptions in 2022 to compete with sites like OnlyFans.) Companies also give the girls clothing and other merchandise, as well as discounts.

Entwined with the financial incentives is the allure of being famous on Instagram. These two strands are braided together. The greater the number of followers you have, the more companies want to associate with you and sign you on as an influencer promoting their products—and the greater your chances of boosting your follower numbers even more, since the Instagram algorithm favors accounts that have large followings.

The reason many of these accounts become phenomenally successful is that adult men take a special interest in the daughters, and many moms either look the other way or actively engage the men’s sexual interest in their daughters. Of the 5,000 accounts examined by the Times, 32 million followers were adult men. Many mothers, the Times found, sell the men sexualized images of their daughters as well as items their daughters have worn, such as leotards, which a child safety expert told the Times can lead men to believe “they have a special connection to the girls and the girls believing they must meet the men’s needs.”

One account for a 14-year-old girl advertised a “Bikini Week.” An account for a 17-year-old promoted a photo set of the girl wearing workout clothes without underwear, making the images “a lot spicier than usual.” This girl’s highest-level monthly subscription cost is $250 per month.

Meta, the parent company of Instagram, found in a 2020 internal study that 500,000 child Instagram accounts had “inappropriate” interactions every day. One follower commented on a post of a five-year-old in a bikini, “You are so sexy.” A comment on the video of a 10-year-old dancing in a cropped shirt said, “Those two little things look great thru ur top.” One parent reported that a user offered $65,000 for an hour with her daughter. Another parent said that her daughter received a direct message with a photo of an erect penis.

In its own exposé, the Wall Street Journal reviewed conversations by men about the mom-run accounts on other platforms in which they reposted images of the girls and wondered if the parents would sell them racier content privately. Some of the men shared advice with one another on how to locate the home addresses of the girls. After describing his sexual fantasy of a 14-year-old, one wrote, “I swear I need to find her somehow.”

“It’s like a candy store,” one man wrote on Telegram. Another wrote, “God bless instamoms.”

What does Meta do when parents complain? Nothing. In a 2020 internal document, child safety was described as a “non-goal” at the company. “If we do something here, cool. But if we do nothing at all, that’s fine too.”

“As long as this stuff legally exists, I just enjoy it : ),” one man wrote. “Exactly,” wrote another. “It’s all over Instagram.”

None of this should surprise us. With the rise of the online creator economy, when each of us is encouraged to market ourselves and develop a personal brand, sexy selfies are business cards promoting one’s own sexually objectified self. It was only a matter of time before adults, including parents, added little girls to the product catalog.

I reached out to an Instagram and TikTok content creator I greatly respect, Jilly, 23, who experienced nonconsensual sexualization when she was dress-coded in high school in Washington, DC. She was featured in the 2020 Smithsonian exhibit on dress-coding and posts sexy selfies as a statement that only she owns her body, and no one else. Jilly uses her sexy selfies to show the world that she is a Black woman who refuses to be slut-shamed and belittled by racist ideas about Black women’s sexuality.

Jilly described the mothers’ behavior as “alarming” and “vile.” She is concerned about the social development of the girls, who are growing up with the expectation that they owe adults a private piece of themselves. “These are little kids whose frontal lobes are not developed, yet they are working a job and making an income. They don’t have the ability to say, ‘These are my boundaries,’ or ‘No, please stop.’”

Jilly noted that her own experience with social media has been vastly different. “I’ve learned over time what I’m comfortable sharing. But I didn’t figure that out by myself; I had my parents helping to guide me. And now I have autonomy and can post what I want about my body.” She continued, “I’m worried about the relationships they have in the future. Are they going to be able to say no when someone wants something from them that they don’t want to give?”

What advice would she give the moms? “Put yourself in your daughter’s shoes,” Jilly said. “In 10 years, when she looks back at these photos and sees the comments that people made about them, how will they feel?”

While Jilly and I were talking on zoom, I heard a voice from off-camera. It was her mother, who was listening in on our conversation and sharing her own thoughts with Jilly (though I couldn’t hear what she said); she then left the room. Jilly appeared embarrassed, but I thought her mother’s brief presence was an excellent and fitting rebuke to the Instamoms. It seemed that Jilly’s mother was providing exactly what Jilly lamented was missing from the girls’ lives: protective guidance. 

Key takeaway:​​ If parents fail to recognize they are offering up their daughters as sexual bait to predators who are harming them even from afar, then tech companies like Meta must take a stand and shut down this sickening trend.

What do you think? Email me and share your thoughts.