THE LEORA LETTER

“Slut,” “hoe,” and “thot” are slippery and subjective terms that can apply to any girl or woman, regardless of how they dress or behave. I shed light on slut-shaming—how and why assumptions about being “too” sexual are applied, the consequences for women, and the impact on everyone, regardless of gender.



Slut-shaming matters because when people are dismissed as sluts, hoes, and thots, they are denied care and compassion in a variety of situations, including when they are sexually harassed, sexually assaulted, and need an abortion.

Q&A with Cristina Alexander

Girls in middle and high school tell me that the experience of being dress-coded—disciplined by a school administrator or teacher because they are wearing clothes that are said to be “inappropriate” for school and “distracting” to boys—causes them to feel mortified, unable to focus on schoolwork, ashamed of their bodies. But what happens when the person dress-coding them is a member of their family? I spoke with Cristina Alexander, 28, who has been challenged several times by family members over her clothing.



Cristina is an autistic freelance journalist covering video games, entertainment and technology, and social media. She graduated from Florida Atlantic University with a BA in Multimedia Studies in 2018. Her hobbies and interests include feminism, anime, literature, fashion, and visiting Disney World. She lives in South Florida, where she grew up.

Leora Tanenbaum: Tell me about your experiences with being dress-coded by members of your family.

Cristina Alexander: The spring semester of my second year of college, in 2015, I was getting ready to leave home—I was living with my mom and stepdad—to go to my Western civilization class. I was running very late and was worried I was going to miss the bus, so my stepdad offered to drive me. I threw on a pair of shorts and a Black Butler tank top, which was not a crop top. My stepdad saw what I was wearing and told me that it was “inappropriate for school,” even though there was no dress code at my college, and this was South Florida, where the weather was in the 80s or 90s, and everyone wears shorts and tank tops.

First, he told me to change because my outfit “made me look like a little kid.” So I quickly changed into a pair of pink skinny jeans and a white crop top. On the ride over to my class, my stepdad asked, “Are you trying to dress like a slut?”

His words, like, shook me. As soon as I got out of the car and walked into class, I started crying. I was crying so much I could barely take notes. 

Leora: Wow. Thank you for sharing that with me. Do you remember what your thoughts or emotions were at that moment?

Cristina: I was shocked that he would say that to me, since I was 21 and a student in college. And then, when I was going into class, I told my professor what my stepdad had said. And my professor told me that he agreed with my stepdad, and that my stepdad was just trying to protect me from guys. And I was kind of gob smacked. I asked my classmates what they thought, and they were all, like, “Oh, your outfit’s fine.”

Leora: What do you think about your stepdad’s impulse to protect you?

Cristina: That was, like, very shitty reasoning. Because I have worn crop tops with shorts out in public without any issue. I’ve worn them to class with no problems. I mean, it just sort of made me feel as though my body wasn't my own.

Leora: Would you also tell me about the incidents that took place a few years later, in 2018?

Cristina: On Mother’s Day weekend in Miami in 2018, when I was 24, I was at a family pool party with my aunt and uncle and little cousins. They were in third grade, fifth grade, around those ages. During the day, we were all wearing bathing suits. That evening, the only change of clothes I had brought with me were short shorts and a tank top. So I was wearing those clothes while I was hanging out with my little cousins watching Nickelodeon. Then my grandmother called me over to the living room. When I came in, my uncle started scolding me in Spanish, saying, “Why are you wearing such short shorts?” Then my brother confronted me in front of everyone and said, “Oh, Cristina. Do you know who wears short shorts on purpose? Little sluts.”

Cristina dressed up for Halloween as Sonic the Hedgehog, 2018

Unlike with the previous incident with my stepdad, this time I had the vocabulary to push back. I told my brother, “What you’re doing is slut-shaming, and you’re doing it in front of everybody, and that is unacceptable.” But my aunt and my grandmother added insult to injury by defending him, said that he was just trying to protect me from getting raped if I dress like that in public.

That fall, on Halloween, there was another incident. I was cosplaying—dressing up as a fictional character—as Sonic the Hedgehog. I've been a huge Sonic fan since I was nine years old. I tried to look as similar as possible to the character, which meant wearing a blue crop top and blue skinny jeans. I wore that to school all day, as I had done the year before, with no problems. But the next night, my mother asked me to send pictures of my Halloween costume to my grandmother. An hour later, she called and told me she loved my costume, but didn't like the fact that I was showing off my stomach. She’s Cuban and spoke to me in Spanish, saying that I had dressed “muy provocativa,” and that an outfit like that would attract creepy guys. Basically, she was telling me that I looked slutty.

Leora: How did you feel about what she said to you?

Cristina: I was not trying to get sexual attention. I never am. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to go back to the 1950s, where they belong.